‘Those times when you get up early and you work hard, those times when you stay up late and you work hard, those times when you don’t feel like working, you’re too tired, you don’t want to push yourself, but you do it anyway. That is actually the dream. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Then what you’ll see happen is you won’t accomplish your dreams, your dreams won’t come true; something greater will.”
You know who said that…who lived that, every single day? A young legend who is suddenly, tragically gone, a life cut far too short. A man, an inspiration we were blessed with for a thrilling time, but who knows how much more thrill we could have been blessed with? We’ll never know. And such is life. Spectacular, magical, and tragic.
365 days ago, my only dream was to make it out alive. From what? I wasn’t sure. I’m not even sure if it was my dream, it just seemed a bit better than the alternative. Broken, broke and beaten down, I was physically dying and emotionally dead. The death part could have come any one of those 365 days. And there were many days I had prepared.
I’m not going to bore you with all the details about the following 96 days because I know most of you and you’ve heard it too many times at this point. And I’m not going to tell you that the only way to do it is to go to AA/NA/CA, find God, work the steps, get a sponsor, pray every morning/night…Though I did/do most of these, sobriety is not a one size fits all. But aside from all the usual stuff, I keep these four things with me everyday and use them to guide me though my journey…
- Be Brutally Honest with Myself. I know, I know, I need to be honest with everyone but it all starts with me and knowing where I am physically, mentally & spiritually at all times. If I don’t have this, I don’t have anything. (And I’m working hard on being honest and understanding of others. Honesty doesn’t mean you have to be cruel. Yes, it’s a journey, I can still be an ass when deserved, but if I’m honest, I want to lift people up, just like I need to be lifted up.) It’s a community effort. I invite you to go along with me. Who knows, we could both become better people.
- Understanding My Disease. I worked tirelessly my whole life trying to figure everything and everyone else out but turned a blind eye towards what makes me tick. Read, observe, talk to people, LISTEN to people, listen to podcasts, watch videos; just understand it!
- Work On It, Every Fucking Day. It’s not always a meeting or step work, sometimes it’s a walk, a few minutes in a park, a good deed, a call to an old friend who is struggling; petting a dog, feeding a stray cat, whatever it is, I do something everyday to better myself or others.
- Don’t do it until you’re ready, but when you’re ready, DO IT. A LOT. Your time and advice and experience may help someone else, but the truth is, it helps you WAY MORE. This is how you give back. This makes you feel like a good person. THIS is essential.
The past 365 days don’t necessarily feel like cause for celebration, I just stopped being an asshole and tried to be decent. I certainly didn’t do it without the help of SO many others. I would try and list you all, but I know myself and would probably forget someone, so let’s do without that. You all just need to know how grateful I am to each and every one of you.
But Kobe was right, it’s not about the destination, it’s the journey and that’s the dream! #unfuckyourself #oneyear. I’ll celebrate my one year. But I’m going to celebrate it by being here for anyone who is struggling to find the strength. But I know you can do it. If anyone can do it, it’s me. The bar is low, so, I’m telling you, YOU. GOT. THIS. Trust me.
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