In the realms of recovery, it is often suggested to help others as a means to help yourself. Yes, I am talking about service actions. Still there can be a discrepancy when looking at the motives leading to the desire to help others. In short, it is not helpful, or ok really, to lend a helping hand, if it is motivated by wanting to run away form your issues at hand. That issue being yourself!
The truth is that it is absolutely noble to reach out and help another struggling human being, especially when you have been through similar struggles. In fact, it is easier to see the forest through the trees when it is someone else’s forest. Third person point of view can be one of great clarity, but it is not guaranteed to transfer to your own life. Therefore, the result is nil, and your sobriety remains at risk.
All successful supports are caregivers, not only to themselves but to others as well. When you are on a path of self-discovery and healing, helping other people can happen simultaneously, but the nurturing of self always comes first. Petra Chodron shared that “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” That is why you must be on the same path to healing as you are helping. You can not get somebody out of the middle of trouble when you are still living in it yourself!
The Line Between Loving and Fixing Can Be Confusing
A common perspective is that love and caring are exhibited when you are tending to the another persons needs. This is just part of the truth, and the ending half of the puzzle piece. The beginning portion, and foundation, is that you care for and love yourself first. When this is the focus, the ability to help and love others comes quite naturally. In fact, the intuition given, that helps you distinguish the difference between fixing people and loving people, tends to follow your ability to identify with solutions on your own healing path.
The bottom line is, you have one job, and this job can lead you to roles that will be more rewarding than you can imagine. That job is YOU! It is much more difficult, and less entertaining, to work on yourself, but you deserve this time and effort. Allow time to take it’s course and feel pride as you observe your shifts along the way to addiction freedom and relationship building. This task requires the most focus because it will be your most difficult. When you are inclined to give advice, ask yourself, “Is this something that I can apply in my life first?” If you see promise it it working for others, why not you? The quick explanation is that solutions are easier to talk about than to do. This is why the hardest addiction to rid of is your own.
To Become a Support, You Need Support
It is very possible and very worth it, and there are supports to help you stay on track. At Royal Life Centers, we have staff that provide the time and opportunities needed to focus on self and stability. You need a reprieve, in the beginning, to eliminate distraction and create room for change. Royal Life Centers has various environments that offer just this. Don’t put yourself off any longer and make a change today! Call us today at (877)-RECOVERY.
